Half-Masked

Despite my seemingly unending fury devoted to Final Fantasy XII, it does(however seemingly by accident) present a few good ideas and creations. Kind of like Mystic Quest, it has a couple of things going for it, and a lot of insulting nonsense piled on top. Here now is a list of things this game somehow managed to get right:

1. Balthier.
   I don’t care that he’s a carbon-copy of Han Solo with better dialogue, when this character says something, it stays said. Instead of Vaan, Ashe, Penelo, Basch and Fran, this game should’ve just been six Balthiers quipping witty retorts to each other.
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2. All of the characters you don’t get to play as.
   Ba’Gamnan*, Vossler, Larsa, Reddas, Rikken, Elza, Raz, the Judge Magisters, the Moogles and those cool pig and lizard people. Everyone that would have made for a unique, interesting, likable character design never join your party for long, and they are never directly under your control when one or two do tag along.

   At least we know they can still design cool characters. They just didn’t let us play as any of ‘em this time.

   *-I hear Ba’Gamnan is playable in the DS sequel, which throws out the stupid battle system and stoner voice acting. It also gives Vaan a shirt, which he sorely needs. It already sounds better than this game.
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3. The Graphics.
   I’ve always thought that strong art direction is more important than high volumetric pixel shader bullshit(when will game developers realize this shit doesn’t make a game better?!). So when I say this might be the best-looking game I’ve ever seen, I mean in regards to design, use of colour, and the baffling, stupid amount of detail that goes into every texture in this game. It’s not photo-realistic, but it does look really good as its own contained universe.
   Square-Enix has always been really good at “making it look like their pixels are smaller than everyone elses”, but this is just phenomenal stuff, maybe their finest eye-candy yet. And that’s coming from a guy who doesn’t put a lot of importance over how shiny and attractive a game is. As long as I can tell what’s going on, and so long as it doesn’t look like that Dana Plato game congress got sand in their vaginas about, then I don’t normally concern myself with the look of a game. But even I have to give credit here.

   Proof that you don’t need excessive Light Bloom or the Unreal engine to make a game pretty.
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4. The Stage Design.
   You know that big rant I made about The Great Crystal? Part of why I was so mad is because of what a vast contrast it is in comparison to the rest of the game. Everywhere else is a gorgeously rendered and idealized location. And the range of artistic influences in architecture and in items and weapons and wardrobe are as varied as they are stunning. Imaginative too, as I can only count a few other instances where I could spot a copied room.

   Maybe this is why the game was delayed so often. I just wish they’d spent a little more time working on making a fun game, or a decent plot.

   (I’m starting to turn this into a list of complaints. I’ll move on)
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5. The Script.
   There is no video game with better writing. No jokes, no exaggeration. I would honestly compare this stuff to Shakespeare. It wouldn’t hold up, but you could put it on the same shelf at least. Why they decided to graft it onto such an abysmal and unsatisfying experience is beyond me.Now, I don’t mean the story here. The main cast is thrown from one place to another with the vaguest of obligations, and we don’t really get to know any of them as well as we would have in past games in the series. But man, what they say to each other, and even the descriptions of monsters and items are fantastic.

   (In fact, I consider the script to be The Best Anything of 2006 in one of the comics I still have to re-upload)
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6. The Bosses.
   These are the only portions of the game where the tremendously half-baked battle system makes any semblance of rational sense. Every time I know I’m about to face a boss, I prep up my team, and then it becomes some weird mix of being the coach at the superbowl game, and a general on the front-lines of war. Plus, thanks to the magnificent textures and designs, the baddies you face also happen to look really freaking cool most of the time. Although some are so big, you only get a good look at their feet.

   A shame these encounters represent, what, 5% of the game? And that’s being generous. The rest is level-grinding due to the idiotic Experience system.
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7. The fact that it took KOTOR’s awful, shitty gameplay and almost made it work.
   I am not a fan of FFXII’s boring, nonsensical battle system, at it’s best being a cure for insomnia. But at least “staying awake” is the biggest obstacle you’ll face in using it(besides the initial, complex stage of applying Gambits that work for you). There’s no real way to make it any less inferior to even the Active Time Battle System, but they did the best they could with the pieces they had. At least it’s a sleek, quick, intuitive, and understandable rip-off of Knights of the Old Republic.

   If you’re gonna do something wrong, you may as well do it right… I think…
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8. John “Bender” Dimmagio as Gilgamesh.
   At least, it’s awesome for the half-hour or so he’s in the game(out of the 100+ hours it takes to beat).
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9. No -Random- Battles.
   Why is it so hard for RPG developers to grasp that people don’t like being forced into an encounter which requires a loading screen every 5 steps?
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10. Golden Save Points.
    Save Points are an outdated relic of game design, but at least the Golden Save Points are a decent compromise. Not only do they fully heal your party at no charge(thus removed the need for Inns, and thus removing another loading screen), they can also be used to teleport you to any other Golden Save Point located in dungeons and cities throughout the game.
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11. …Actually, I think that’s about it.
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12. No wait, I just remembered: The Battle System Requiring Only One Hand To Operate Allows You To Shovel Food Into Your Mouth While You Play, You Fat Monster You.
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All in all, I’d say this accounts for about… 30% of the overall experience FFXII offers. The rest is monotonous crap. Kind of like Mystic Quest(except the music’s not as good).

END OF LINE

~A.H.