Half-Masked

This Christmas I received Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida/Prospekt’s March” from my friend. Right now it’s in a tie for Best Present between The Dark Knight and Season 4 of House. I’m not a fan of their early work, although they’ve had one or two songs that I’ve appreciated. Viva La Vida, however, really works for me. I don’t know if it’s the composition or the production or what have you… But it scratches me right where I itch.

The reason I bring this up is because Joe Satriani recently filed suit against them for allegedly “plagiarizing significant material” from his song “If I Could Fly” for their title track.

If you’d like, you can compare. Here’s Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida“.

And here’s Satriani’s “If I Could Fly”:

Having listened to them both, I was worried I might give Coldplay a break just because I’m more familiar with their work, and(now) consider myself a fan. But honestly? Satriani’s is a better composition in some ways. However, even I think Joe’s just being a drama-queen here.

Aside from the obvious tempo difference, there is only one(Verse? Chorus?) “part” of If I Could Fly that bears a similarity to Viva La Vida, and even then, careful attention shows that although the similar segment starts out… well, similar, Viva La Vida’s quickly goes into something a little more rapid(as if trying to fit in as many notes as possible), while Satriani’s follows longer, more sustained notes, and THEN goes into something wild and different, a crazy, long-ass guitar solo. It threw me for a loop at first, but after a while, it’s becoming more and more obvious how much the compositions differ. The two are only the “same” song for all of 1 or 2 seconds, before departing back onto individual paths. Can it then, be considered a “significant” example of theft?

(As you’ve undoubtedly figured out, I’m awful with musical terminology. The only high school class I ever failed was Guitar, and that was because I could never get my head around “cleffs” and “bridges” and such. So perhaps I’m the wrong person to be writing this article. I’m sorry, I know this makes it difficult to get my point across. If only my musically-inclined former roommate were here to straighten out my gibberish…)

I’m willing to admit to being naive here, and maybe Chris Martin and co. decided to be all Vanilla Ice about it. But I see a lot of effort put into both songs, and I find it hard to believe that Coldplay would get lazy with their title track. Besides, in case Joe didn’t notice, there was a Sum 41 song that came out a while back that sounded suspiciously like Colplay’s “The Scientist”. I seriously doubt that they would start deliberately ripping off popular and renowned guitarists after that.

I like both of those songs. But they’re TWO SONGS. Regardless of which one is “better”, or made by “more talented” musicians, I don’t think Satriani has any case here. At all. Which is why I’m sure he’ll win his suit. A good number of Daily Show episodes reveal just how brainless and corrupt the American Justice System is, a snake trying to find food to survive by choking to death on its own tail.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

After about 7 episodes, I think my favourite character so far is “Osaka”. Nicknamed as such for being from(at least according to the girls and their playful stereotypes) a rambunctious, outspoken section of Japan. She has a few little personality quirks that remind me a lot of myself, and not just my childhood days. Early on, she thinks to herself about how other kids thought she was “slow or out of it”. While she is lost in thought about all of this, she misses the chance to cross a street on cue, and later almost instinctively plays with a bar of soap while washing her hands.

Deep Thoughts... With Jack Handy.

As of this writing, inbetween my consideration for choice of words, I keep passing around a small, plastic bearing-filled wrist-rest I got for Christmas to stave off carpal-tunnel. It is fun and squishy, and sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it. It’s not that I’m easily distracted, it’s that when I am distracted, I think I’m really, super-dedicated on whatever else has caught my attention.

…Wait, isn’t that the definition of “distraction”?

Or maybe I’ve just convinced myself that it helps me focus, instead of the more logical answer that it, in fact, does not. Or maybe I do things like that because in my twisted neurosis, that’s “fun” to me, and thus something worth pursuing as a means to pass the time instead of more crucial endeavours. Or maybe I just do it so that I appear to be doing anything while I’m thinking, instead of just staring blankly into space…

I notice I’ve distracted myself from the point of this article… What’s the definition of “irony”, again?

Even earlier than Osaka’s soliloquy, she tries to focus on her studies in class. She enthusiastically(and repeatedly) tells herself, out loud: “Get it together. Get it together. Get it together“. She does this to the point where the teacher reminds her that she’s not paying attention. Instead of focusing on her schoolwork, she focuses too much on focusing.

She also has a tendency to fall asleep in class as well. Boy can I relate to THAT. The hardest part about school for me wasn’t just the “campaign of violence” I endured in early years. I could never stay awake! And I’m one of the people who -enjoyed- going to school, and learning new things about the world. It wouldn’t matter if the teacher(s) taught a class in a bikini and sombrero, waving sparklers around and dancing the hootchie-coo. I’d still fall asleep. It was never their fault. And I never meant to disappoint them. There’s just something about the school system that I only barely managed to squeeze through. It just wasn’t built for the Osakas of the world.

And as mentioned in the previous article on this show, she’s not even very good at any athletic attempts in her PE class, often being surpassed or equaled by the girl years younger than everyone else, who put all of her points in her Intelligence score.

Three Legged Race: Attempt #46

And her bizarre tendency to absorb/regurgitate seemingly useless trivia(which she magnanimously calls “Bean Knowledge!”) tends to weird out even the people she is friends with. She tries her best however, knowing that she’ll never be the model student, or even a very popular student at that. She’s a triangle that has to fit through a circular hole in the wall. Sure, it’s the same overall circumference, but it’s not an easy fit, and you really have to pound it in there and lubricate it and-

NOTE TO SELF: Do NOT watch teh pr0nz immediately before writing about delightful children’s programming.

Osaka is also a delicate type, making a soft-spoken point about how she can’t handle spicy food or carbonated drinks very well. This reminds me of my own picky eating habits. Despite this, she’ll occasionally let out her mischievous side, like when they’re on the beach with a bag of fireworks.

I get the feeling if I tried this in real life, there'd be a lot less wackiness and a lot more skin-grafts.

Plus she’s as cute as a button. In fact “she’s as cute as two buttons”. Two buttons and a little bow-tie. I’d say that’s where the similarities between me and this character end… Well, there, and the vagina.

Kawaii and Sugoi. In that order.

I never, ever want kids. But if I were ever stuck with having to raise one, and it turned out even half-way like this character, I’d… tolerate it.

…Oh who am I kidding? I’d go to hell and back for a kid that cool.

END OF LINE

~A.H.