Half-Masked

So, I’m watching Lucky Star in English now. To those who despise english localizations, they might be surprised to hear that this is actually better than the fan-subs. The writing is stronger and more transparent, and I think it’s even got a better voice cast. The Japanese version is mostly watchable due to Konata’s voice actress. In English, it’s her best friend/subject of personal amusement “Kagami” who steals the spotlight.

Everyone's first(and last) reaction to Yaoi.

Kari Wahlgren is the best part of watching this show in my native tongue. Not just because she hits the right notes, but because her decision to play the character in a higher pitch than the original Japanese portrayal makes Kagami a lot more… approachable? That’s the best word I can think of right now. In any case, she makes this purple-haired blanket a little less wet. Now the original voice just sounds so distant and hollow.

TROGDOOOOOR!!!

In fact, for the first dozen or so episodes I kept thinking that she and Wendee Lee should have exchanged roles. It’s not that Lee doesn’t do a good job as Konata, but it’d be impossible to match what Aya Hirano brought to that character. There was just the -way- she said something like “Oy! Kyo-Chan! KYOO-CHAAAN!” that is inescapably adorable and unique to her(not to mention it lends incredibly well to youtube). Wahlgren seemed closer to that slithering cuteness, and it wasn’t until a certain episode spoofing another anime series that Lee’s casting made sense. Konata’s job is practically to cosplay/impersonate another character Lee played, so a reprisal was needed. I’m comfortable with that. But for a while there, it was a challenge to reconcile myself from the immortal japanese voice.

Rape!

Unfortunately, in a cast of well over a dozen, only a couple of other characters appealed to me. One of whom is Kagami’s fraternal twin “Tsukasa”. A timid creature, she’s clingy towards her family and friends, and despite having much more in common with Konata’s lazy, distracted nature, she relies and hangs onto her older sister for dear life. Most of the time she’s more scenery than company, rarely speaking at great length to anyone besides Kagami. She usually just patiently listens to her and Konata’s “comedy” routine without adding anything of her own. As she puts it: “(She) has nothing funny to say.” Well you don’t see that stopping anyone else in this show!

I was glad to see she got a new cell-phone, given her experiences with them before. This is also a good example of how the writing is actually better in the English dub than in the subtitles. Note the difference between English and Japanese in how Tsukasa responds to her cell-phone being destroyed.

SUB: “My Cell Phone… My cell-phone…”
DUB: “My Poor little cell-phone… He never hurt anybody!”

SUB: “I wonder if they’ll buy me another one…”
DUB: “They’ll never buy me another cell-phone again!”

I'll call for pizza, I'll call my cat!

Another character that caught my attention is “Misao”, the brunette with a fang. But that’s mostly just because she’s voiced by Lara Jill Miller in the dub. Now there’s a voice I haven’t heard in a long time. I wonder if she should have played Konata? Although the whole point of the character she does play is that she’s similar to Konata, so, technically she already has.

That’s another thing. TOO MANY FUCKING REPEATS OF THE SAME 3 DAMN CHARACTERS

You know what this shot needs? More boring one-note characters!

And then there’s the little red-headed girl who’s the class representative. She’s friends with a tall, quiet girl who’s insecure about her physical appearance/cup size and acts as a watchdog for the little girl. There’s even a scene with the little redhead girl playing with a big, friendly white dog.

Looks like I'm not the only one C+P-ing.

What do these other personalities bring to the show? I’ll get back to you on that when they say or do anything interesting.

Whether this is a problem in the manga as well or a difficulty encountered solely in the anime, this show quickly loses any sense of where to go with its characters and thinks jamming more and more slightly newer faces into the mix will distract from that.

It certainly doesn’t do a good job at hiding the fact that the same stupid shit occurs in every single episode. The same conversations, the same back-and-forth, the same timing, to the point where I’m almost convinced I’m watching clip-shows, frankenstein’d from previous airings. These characters are never explored, they don’t grow or learn. They don’t even get consistently worse. That would at least be interesting. This is a series of characters in stasis, any opportunity for exploring them or exploring new ways to tell a joke through each other seems to be in suspended animation.

Here’s pretty much every episode of Lucky Star:

Konata says something about japanese geek culture in the same way Jerry Seinfeld discusses razors in an airplane bathroom, expecting everyone to know what the fuck she’s talking about. Kagami responds with a question that encourages Konata to continue. She describes her observation while forgetting to make it humorous. Kagami explains that she should study more. Konata turns around and says something that pokes Kagami in the ribs or provokes her to-

OK, divide that by 0. In 24 episodes, there is maybe 5 or 6 episodes worth of material. The rest is soggy left-overs. I liked Konata and Kagami and Tsukasa, and in the last episodes I even started to warm up a little to the other rainbow-haired girls. But this show never really knew what to do with them. My favourite scenes aren’t even scenes, but small snippets of dialogue or animation. I remember tiny, disconnected, unspecific moments instead of anything substantial. Since every episode is so similar, it’s hard to tell what episode a certain gag was from(this makes looking for specific screenshots a serious pain in the ass).

Nothing ever actually happens. They play the same routine into the ground. Is it any wonder these girls have such insane hair colours? Many of them are as interesting as dirt. I appreciated the more natural presentation of their dialogue at first, but it wasn’t long before I started to wish they’d stop trying to be a Japanese “Seinfeld”. It certainly could’ve been a lot more.

NOBODY CARES THAT YOU'RE SO HELPLESS YOU CAN'T EVEN CLOSE THE LID ON A FUCKING JAR! YOU'RE NOT ENDEARING!

It comes perilously close to character development on several occasions. There is an entire act in a later episode devoted to exploring the relationship Konata’s parents had before her mother passed on, and the fallout that ensued. That was a high point for this program.

Then there is this one concert scene where Kagami kindly offers her seat to a friend, when the unfathomably small-for-her-age Konata can’t see the performance over the tall shoulders of the man sitting in front of her. As they’re walking home, Konata looks down the whole way. There is something there to suggest she was affected by Kagami’s selfless decision. “I wonder what this feeling I’m feeling is…”

I only have two more episodes to go, and it hasn’t been brought up again so far. Here they were, so close to a genuine and touching moment that could have brought some depth to characters that really need some, and then it’s instantly forgotten. I’m starting to doubt any of these girls have an attention span necessary to recall moments of real significance. It’s like it never fucking happened. They dive immediately back into the status quo as soon as the scene is over.

Also, whoever voiced Patricia Martin in the dub needs to be smacked upside the head with a rolled-up newspaper. Preferably while shouting: “No! BAD VOICE ACTRESS! THAT IS NOT! HOW PEOPLE! SOUND!“ 

I’ll stick with it to the end, but this show isn’t making it easy for me.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

So today, the fam’ly went out to buy a chain for a recently broken chain that connects the flushing lever on the toilet to the thing that actually flushes.

This is what we ended up coming home with:

How the fuck did THAT happen?!

Well, that’s $600 out of my bank account. Money that’s supposed to be for emergencies, like if a cat dies(euthanization ain’t cheap). And lord knows this isn’t the time in our economy for wasteful extravagance. And it turns out we couldn’t afford this AND the stuff we actually went to Wal-Mart for. I feel like crap.

But after a slew of monstrous dentist appointments, I’ll consider it an early birthday present. Assuming the damn thing works.

Aside from the guilt, I’m a nervous wreck about keeping this thing from committing suicide, which is its most widely-known feature(the Wii has motion controls, and the PS3 has… um… I’ll get back to you on that). I make sure it’s in a place with air-flow, although I’m never sure if there’s enough. I try to keep it dust-free, but dust has a way of eluding me, and there’s a million places for it to hide. I have it on a horizontal fixture.

And on that note, shut up. No, really, whatever you were going to say, shut it. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Everyone and their mother has a different recollection on what will make this machine last longer. “Vertical!” “Horizontal!” “Upside-down and on Mars!”. And everyone assures you that they’ve had theirs for 5 years and never had any problems[even though it's only been around for 4, and they're the same people who complain every 2 months that they had to send theirs in for repairs].

Thank you Microsoft, for making a ricockulously expensive console that will never truly be mine. Every day, the grim specter of a hilariousunacceptable amount of console-killing problems always over my shoulder. All because they cheaped out on its construction(”Made in Mexico”, that should’ve been everyone’s first tip-off). I can’t fully enjoy my purchase knowing that at any second, any number of ridiculous and random errors(not all of which are covered by the warranty) could occur at any moment, for any insane horseshit reason no one could ever predict, effectively giving me a 600 dollar door-stop.

Also, I really wish I could’ve bought Oblivion instead of Halo 3, but I couldn’t find it anywhere(Halo 3 was tucked away into an unassuming corner as it was). Oh well. I like the Forge, and I’m looking forward to ODST, so there’s that too…

END OF LINE

~A.H.

A lot of Azumanga Daioh tends to devote time to the mass of these characters enjoying festivals or competing in gym class, which unfortunately left less time to explore some of the cast personally. But I was happy to see the show throw Sakaki a bone when they all go to Okinawa. The cats where the girls live have this strange tendency to bite her hand comically. Despite this, they go and look for the famed “mountain-cats” in Okinawa. Kagura makes a joke that all she has to do is extend her hand, and a cat will pop out, somewhere, to chow down on it.

Sakaki entertains this idea. She stretches her arm out, and she stands still. The camera does not move, only ambience. It goes on like this. It went on long enough that I kept bouncing back and forth between thinking a cat would show up or not. It gave me time to try and guess the episode’s next move, like it’s a game of chess or something. This show has mastered the art of comedic timing, and introduces a couple of new tricks.

Eventually, one of the famed mountain cats emerges from the brush and actually lets her pet and cuddle it. This is probably the first time in her life that she’s been allowed to show affection for one of these things without it trying to attack/eat her. And it’s a sad farewell when they have to leave, because she certainly can’t take it home to the allergies of her parents, and the cat is an endangered species, a “living monument”, so it probably wouldn’t even be legal to keep. This experience, and those that follow, move the character forward in a way that is long deserved. It’s not too little or too late, but I still think they could have done this sooner in the show.

Especially for Sakaki, who is normally trodded out on display, sometimes for several episodes in a row, without really gaining anything for it. This was something new, something unexpected. Prior to that, all we get from her are the same fan-demanded routines. I do like this character, but it feels like the show is trying too hard to force that on me. She’s the Elmo of Azumanga Daioh.

While her insecurity with her looks and wanting of feline companionship did reach me, somewhat, I couldn’t help but thinking that she needed a swift kick in the bum, and just be happy that she looks and thinks and acts the way she does. Far be it for me to complain that someone else who had it pretty good in their teens, someone privileged in mind and body, is still somehow mopey and depressed. A lot of people are driven to frustrating sorrow over that missing piece. But I still kept saying: “What is there to be depressed about???” She has a nice home, has great friends, goes to a good school, and demonstrates a quiet intelligence and compassion not often encountered in the modern world. She has security, companionship, and on top of all that, she looks fantastic, and yet she is still rent.

Is it just the hormonal explosion of her teenage years? Does she really hate how she looks that much? I know she didn’t ASK to look like that, but I think she should be learning to just roll with it by that point in her life. Is a cat really that important a goal for her? Well, if I hadn’t seen just how utterly, purely happy this otherwise stoic, stone-faced woman becomes in the company of her mountain-kitty, I’d have assumed it was more a goal of bitter rebelliousness against her mother. But that wouldn’t explain the self-image issues.

Why are people possessing of such worth so ready to doubt it? I’m glad she finds what she’s looking for(spoiler-alert?), but all in all, I can’t help but wonder if she was being a little too emotional about it. Cats are nice, but I think if she’s that torn to pieces over it, maybe that’s not where the deepest wound lies. Or maybe there is no wound, but a howling emptiness? In spite of all she has, she doesn’t think she’s complete enough, not until she’s made a four-legged acquaintance.

There’s a Cracked.com article titled “5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won’t)”, and it theorizes true happiness can only come from cute things. Maybe Sakaki’s self-inflicted misery makes a bit of sense after all? This might also explain why I enjoy this program to the extent that I do.

I’m gonna go toss a toy mouse to my two kittens now.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

“Shadow of the Colossus” is heading to the big screen.

The colossally popular video game is being developed as a feature by producer Kevin Misher, who has set the project up at Sony; the studio’s sister division Sony Computer Entertainment is behind the video game.

Yes. YES. YES! YES YES YES YES YES YE-!

Justin Marks… is attached to pen the script.

Justin Marks? Where have I not heard that name before? Let’s take a look at his resumé:

“This guy walks through the raindrops.”

“Hiyaaa!”

“Grrr! GRRRR!”

” [In a rather unusual voice, calling out to local police] Charlie Nash! Interpol!”

…No.

“So… where do we start?”
“You don’t want a ticket to this dance, Detective.”
“You’ve never even seen me dance.”

NO!

“I want you to send Bison a message. Tell him the schoolgirl’s grown up.”

That’s like remaking Bonnie & Clyde with Hillary Duff. Except THEY’RE DOING THAT TOO.

I’m going to retire for the evening, to come up with a new word to describe the super-saiya-jin levels of rage I’m experiencing right now. But then, maybe we’ll get lucky and the thing will never get off the ground, like that Halo movie.

(Of course it’s the one video game adaptation that might not have sucked which will never get made. Fucking Hollywood.)

END OF LINE

~A.H.

Halo 3 and Resident Evil 5. Two games that take place in undisclosed sections of a fictional(?) Africa. Fictional, yet no less a place of startling natural(and unnatural) beauty. That ancient mass of countries, of places rich only in their culture and mythology amount to some of the most breathtaking imagery the planet Earth can provide. But it’s also a place with a history heavy in bloodshed. It is a deeply scarred face of the world, home to people that suffer hardships many of us dare not imagine. And (as it is believed in some circles), it may very well be the starting grounds for life on Earth. In spite of the poverty, the disease and corruption, Bungie and Capcom knew that they could do a lot worse as far as backdrops for their big-name video game projects go. It is primeval.

What a shame that neither games have the wisdom or backbone to explore these places, the people who are a part of Mother Africa, or why all of that is worth protecting from hordes of aliens or zombies. Both miss the point of what makes this such a striking setting in their furious pursuit of retardation. Enter: explosions, one-liners and generic evil video game bad guys who also explode while shouting one-liners.

I find it hard to fault Capcom here. While the “plot” to Resident Evil 5 drives me mad, I must remind myself that it is a Resident Evil game. I can’t go expecting a competent story from these people. Not here. No more than I can expect a Coca-Cola vending machine to dispense a live giraffe. That doesn’t forgive its sins, but you know, nobody reads Playboy for the articles.

But Bungie? Those people actually have writers. They could have done their setting right. I never got a feel for why it was so important to save humanity other than on principle in Halo 3. That’s not enough. I also only count 2 black people in each game that aren’t zombies. I’m supposed to be in fucking AFRICA, and yet my only present company is a bunch of 1-note stereotypes and George Lucas cartoon aliens? Isn’t this supposed to be for a (M)ature audience? I’d assume the plot was dumbed down for the younger audience they’re not legally allowed to have but do anyway, but that would imply it was ever a smart story in the first place. It could have been, if it spent less time being a shooting gallery written for jocks and other customers in serious need of Ritalin, and more time being entertainment.

Even Halo 2, that sickly, gangrenous appendage of the Halo trilogy at least had some interesting cutscenes. It’s also the first game I can think of that not only shows us the vantage point of the aliens, but does so without forced, Destroy All Humans humour(except for the teddy bear-like Grunts). Buried under a shitty video game was a compelling story from the “bad guy’s” perspective. It looked at a typical scenario from an angle not often explored, and in doing so unearthed a fortune unrelated to its monetary success. These are people of genuine mastery of the English language. There is no good goddamn reason I should have to sit through dialogue such as the following:

“Where should they go?”

“TO WAR…“

This article seems to have warped from a criticism of the portrayal of Africa in modern video games to writing in modern video games. Both are regrettable, I suppose.

While I’m here, and since I’ve beaten RE 5, let me chime back in on something: This game is not racist for having black zombies in Africa. It’s not even racist when the poor, defenseless, pretty, well-dressed white woman is turned into a zombie early on. It could have been, and these characters are dumb enough to make me think it could have been an example of idiocy in the script. But then I remembered why Chris Redfield is there: He’s searching for a pretty blonde friend of his. The pretty blonde woman isn’t there to make a statement about race-relations, it’s there to provide a cheap-scare. She’s there to draw a parallel to Jill Valentine, maybe even trick the audience into thinking that it IS Jill, which certainly would add to the tension the first time around.

That is not racist either(although it REALLY pushes it without the context). No, I’d say it crosses the line when you start fighting native African tribes in grass-skirts who literally chuck spears at you.

I know it’s not a stereotype to see tribal people in Africa, but this only inspires imagery of when blacks in Africa were depicted as the mindless, crazy, cannibal-type movie monsters from “simpler times”. I understand Capcom wanted to tap into that spooky mysticism of tribal culture in Africa, not to mention something to go hand-in-hand with the rainforest locale of that particular level. But it was the wrong artistic decision to make. It’s the only part of that game that I felt went too far past being simply disturbing. It crashes its way through suspension of disbelief and into the realm of racial insensitivity.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

This is the closest you’ll get to Half-Masked today. The following is what my comic strip looks like after operating for 40 or so hours without sleep:

I’m still undecided on whether this is worse than what I normally put out.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

This is an article I had intended to post at least a week ago, but did not for boring reasons.

In addition to taking a less superficial stance in deciding my annual Favourite Things list, I’m introducing a new yearly tradition: The “Grand Jury Prize“. Think of it as an alternative to 1st Place.

And this year’s recipient is Jonathon Blow’s “Braid“.

Some of the better video games of the past year were released on Xbox Live Arcade. Of them, I wanted to include Braid on my list of Favourite Things more than any other, but I have a strict rule that I only include Things I’ve actually witnessed or experienced enough to make a conclusive opinion for. It would be irresponsible of me to review it just yet. I can’t allow myself to  proclaim it as something final and absolute. Maybe I never can. I doubt this game has any easy answers or quick solutions. I have only 35 fleeting minutes of hands-on experience with Braid, which I imagine is the equivalent of watching the first 20 minutes of a movie.

But what if those 20 minutes were the best movie you’ve seen in years?

I will say that those 35 minutes challenged me much more than video games normally do, more than any game since Shadow of the Colossus. I called Masahiro Sakurai brave for his work on Smash Bros. Brawl, and I stand by it. Now imagine the sacrifice it took for Jonathon Blow, to release a video game of such startling beauty and honesty. It does not pity its soul-battered characters or message, but mourns the labyrinthine trappings of our mistakes, and our yearning to correct ourselves. In an industry fanatically devoted to a tempest of dumb, loud, violent pointlessness, even the little I’ve seen and felt of Braid was an example of genius. It’s made of stronger stuff than the temporary nature of most video games. When we’ve already forgotten the Killzones and the Gears of Wars next month, as they’re sweeped away by the tides to make room for our next stimulating distraction, I’ll still remember those 35 minutes.

It is so rare that a video game asks its audience to really think and reflect on what it offers. In a time in our economy when risks are not taken, Braid is fearless and unapologetic. I doubt I could have plumbed the true depth of what it has to say in time for my annual list. That it has a voice at all is an accomplishment. That it subtly, quietly echoes back to me even now is indicative of its strength. Above everything else, I wanted so badly to call it the best game of the 2008. Someday I will be able to. Some day, when I’ve had enough time with it. After I’ve looked into the possibility of purchasing it, now that I’ve inexplicably stumbled into the possession of an Xbox 360(the fact that it demands an online purchase does not make it easy for me, the only man on Earth without a credit card). After I’ve truly discovered how more of the pieces fit. Until then, it can settle for my “Grand Jury Prize”. A consolation, I know. I am sorry.

Runners-Up:

• “The Wrestler“, Bruce Springsteen
• “Gran Torino“, Clint Eastwood, Jaimie Cullem
• “Street Fighter II HD’s Soundtrack Provided By Fans/OCRemix“, Capcom, OCRemix.org
• “Mega Man 9“, Capcom, Inti Creates.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

Saw the first episode of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. I think they’re plowing through too many of the gags too soon. The original series was slow, but I admired its patience. It took its time. It built up to those gags and those revelations so that they payed off after the wait. So that they actually mattered. It stopped to smell the roses.

This one episode managed to trot out:

• -Armstrong
• -Roy’s friend being obsessively doting upon his daughter
• -Revealing the Fuhrer is not everything he seems

And all the while giving absolutely no explanation for how or why anything happens. It just immediately jumps into a big anime action sequence-heavy episode without setting anything up. What a weird way to start things off.

I think the people behind this version of the show really do care about the source material. They just couldn’t wait to get to the parts they remember and love. Unfortunately, this lack of patience creates a very strange and cluttered first episode, one that asks a little too much of the viewer to take in all at once.

That’s not to say it’s -bad-, by any means. The production values are fantastic as always, and it does seem to have a good enough handle on these characters. They just picked the wrong place to kick things off. It relies too much on its audience knowing all of the cards before they’re dealt. To those unfamiliar with either the previous show or the manga, it is maddening. To those of us who do know these characters and situations, it’s not telling us anything we don’t already know. I hope this isn’t a sign of how the rest of the series will play out. I hope this is just a hiccup.

Whether I continue watching it depends entirely on if it is dubbed, and if Vic Mignogna reprises that role. It just isn’t the same without him.

END OF LINE

~A.H.