Half-Masked

To the people who complained that a Halo movie(or rather, Neill Blomkamp’s Halo movie) would be bad, because the promotional short-films funded without studio backing didn’t look like a $200,000,000 Michael Bay Explosion Orgy:

Fuck yourselves.

That’s a trailer for a feature-length production based on his short-film “Alive in Joburg”, perhaps his most stunning and effective contribution to film. It is the first of his short-subjects that I saw(not including music videos and commercials), and almost instantly it convinced me that he was the right man for the job. District 9 appears to be an elaboration on that same story, of an African community dealing with “Non-Human” immigrants in a way that is strangely believable, reaches past our optimistic star-gazing and pulls open the realization of how terrifying making contact with extra-terrestrial life would really be. It deals with immigration in a crowded place and time that can’t even sustain itself. Its spiritual successor looks incredible.

This is a director capable of big, wondrous special effects and science fiction, but also not unwilling to bring the weight of truth to it. Yes, making a big-budget “popcorn movie” is different from making a short, personal film that digs into our fears of the new and the beyond(while blending that with startling computer imagery). It’s also -easier-. But judging from his past work, I have little reason to believe he’s even capable of making a disposable movie. Even when he only has music, or a time-frame of 30 seconds to work with, he pours a lot into those frames. As much as he can, and more than we often get.

His “Landfall” short-films/advertisements for Halo 3 were not met with glowing reception. The production values were scorned, by people unaware or unable to reconcile themselves with the fact that the shorts were produced from the crew’s own pockets. Of course they look cheap. What did you expect? Fox and Universal certainly aren’t padding the bill.

And a great decision that was, since they would’ve raked in a ridiculous number of millions from the merchandise alone. Yes, it would have cost 9 digits to make. They’d have gotten 10 digits back. It’s fortunate then, that we live in wonderful and not-at-all pants-shitting economic times where having that much more money would make a difference.

(On that note, I’ve recently become a Fan of the “Sarcasm!” account at Facebook)

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. “Landfall” just has this curious hold on me, right down to the production values. It’s the first of anything inspired by Aliens that actually reminds me of the iconic charm, style and direction of that movie. The old-school static green computer text, the industrial sets, and the graininess in the shot with the Pelican takes me back to a way action movies were once made, when they felt a little closer to real. To being in the same place as you. I like how the first third of it feels like a play on the kind of desensitization that comes with recruitment ads(and possibly whatever they’re injecting into those soldiers). Be all you can be, even if it’s burnt plasma.

Yes, the camera is shaky as all get out from here on. They don’t exactly have IMAX. This is the best they could do with the resources they had, and even then, they have a fully-functioning Warthog for crying out loud. The editing is choppy and confusing, but one must also take into consideration the amount of time he had to present this in. 2 and a half hours of elbow room would very likely alleviate this, but were we so lucky. And ultimately, being a scene acting as an example for the kind of intense moments of warfare one would expect from a Halo movie, it’s not going to have any of the characters quoting Shakespeare.

Still, he managed to scrap together some genuinely entertaining moments in the 3rd act, peppered with some wise artistic touches(the use of Marty O’Donnell’s soundtrack elevates it to a better place). I always like it when an action scene is quiet now and then. There is understanding and patience here, in tiny, sugar-packet doses if you can find it. I commend and applaud his endeavour to do as much as he could with so little.

If anyone could achieve the fine, razor-thin balancing act of Art AND Entertainment, it’s Blomkamp.  If anyone could tap the immeasurable potential this franchise has, in the way Bungie(for some inexplicable reason) is reluctant to, it’s Blomkamp. If anyone could bring the locales, the species, the weapons, the gadgets and vehicles to the big screen, it’s WETA. If anyone could act as the guiding force to getting this movie made, and made -right-, it’s Peter Jackson.

Before anyone else, I will gladly say the Halo games are, at best, retarded from a narrative standpoint. But these are the people who could spring that to life. They could have found the prose where there was thought to be none. I am confident Neill Blomkamp is the one who would’ve done for 2008 what George Lucas did for 1977.

That is, if Fox, Universal, Microsoft, Paramount, Dreamworks, Sony and Warner Bros.(Blinking hell, who’s left?!) weren’t so afraid of getting billions in merchandising revenue(and if they weren’t trying to hog all of the creative control). You know, because Halo is such a risky venture, being an underrated, cult-following, indie-darling, that never really caught on with the mainstream public. A real “sleeper-hit”. Not like that billion-dollar juggernaut franchise Grim Fandango.

(It is a cruel universe where these people can’t even make Halo into a movie, but Uwe Boll still gets to crap out “Postal!” and “Far Cry”).

I am going to see District 9 when it comes out. Or later, depending on how badly the studios handle its distribution(this man is certainly no stranger to Hollywood screwing him and his audience over). I will certainly make an effort to see it before I am dead. The difference in presentation quality between “Landfall” and “Alive in Joburg”, and early footage of District 9 is utterly remarkable. Despite the naysayers, he has made the jump to feature-length, and the soul is intact. Now to see how he lands…

Assuming it gets made. If it does, I hope someone from Fox or Universal sees it too. And maybe, just maybe, they will rue their lack of bravery/appreciation for having lots of money. In exchange for letting the fucking movie-makers do their fucking job.

Blinking hell.

{Alive In Joburg}

{”Landfall”}

{You too can be a fan of “Sarcasm!”}

END OF LINE

~A.H.

For a man who has spent the last few weeks unable to muster a good night’s sleep under the weight of a crippling fear of death, these two articles by James Toback and Roger Ebert, if they have not provided some comfort, have at least managed to put things into perspective for me.

Although the more I think about it, I think it’s more the absence of life that scares me. I am not looking forward to the -act- of dying, or the state of non-existence. But more than that, I don’t want to leave any time soon. I’m having too much fun here! Maybe I’ll change my mind if I live long enough to go through organ failure, but for now, I don’t think I ever won’t be looking forward to seeing what’s around the corner. I look forward to too much. New movies, new games, new people, new opinions, new political landscapes, new comedians, new doctors, new friends, new enemies, new music.

I envy those two. I don’t know how anyone can look in the face of death with acceptance. But then, what other choice do they have? My strategy certainly hasn’t been working, but just telling myself not to get worked up about it has about the same success rate. At least most people have the comfort of an afterlife, even if it’s little more than an idea. I’m unfortunate enough to believe that death is the end, that we’ll never be re-united with anyone or anything we care about.

Atheism is not a belief of my choosing, but it’s what I believe. Please believe me when I say I’d like nothing more than to really, honestly think that there is more than this. I want to believe in a God, whether it’s one or a thousand, whether they’re looking out for us or not. I don’t want the end to be The End. I’d rather be unsure, have doubt, than to be SURE that there’s nothing. At least doubt means there’s still a chance for a happier end scenario.

Nick Tinsley wrote in the comments at Ebert’s blog a sentiment I share the way brothers share ancestry:

“I remember one night three years ago when I was driving and thinking about death and the notion really hit me for the very first time, that I am going to die. I’d of course acknowledged this before but never had I really felt the full force of what that actually means. I also do not believe there is an afterlife, and for months after that I’d be stifled by anxiety, this looming, dooming presence of non-existence, and in hours of desperation I’d try to believe in something, anything, but it never felt real or genuine and I could never convince myself to forgive the holes in the theology I was trying to attach myself to.”

This is the shit that keeps me up at night. This might have something to do with a recent birthday. 22 years old only a few weeks ago. I liked being 21. In my youth, I used to relate my current age to that of fictional characters for some reason. 10 was “The Year of Bart”. 13: “The Year of Bobby Hill”. And so on. 21? That felt like the “right” number for me. The Year of Cloud. Now I’m older than Cloud. I’ve NEVER been older than Cloud!

Fuck, I don’t know how to be 22. Or 23. I’ll know how to be 80. Hell, the one upside to growing old is that I think I’d make an excellent cantankerous old geezer.

Then I considered why I was afraid of dying. I’ve not gained much in my time on this Earth, so it can’t be a matter of losing much. I think, ultimately, I don’t want to be shuffled off before I’ve accomplished a few things. I’ve got so much in my head that I want to make tangible. I’ve got scripts, novels, tv shows, movies, drawings, music, all sorts of things I want to expel from my consciousness before the end. Maybe a relationship or two, although I’ve long since given up on that. I set achievable goals.

I just wish I had something that actually soothed my turbulent fears, instead of just distracting from them. I just-

Holy shit, Pokemon Gold and Silver DS remakes! =D

END OF LINE

~A.H.

I know I’m sounding like a broken record here, but I really do apologize for a lack of comics. I’ve discovered in the last month that borrowing 3 games at the same time tends to atrophy what little drawing ability I have. I’ve spent the last week trying to get back into shape in that regard, but so far I haven’t been able to draw anything I’d want to show anyone. And considering the crap that normally gets put up on this site, that’s saying something.

I don’t know if and when I’ll be able to shake off this Scott Ramsoomair updating schedule, but I’ll keep at it. Blog updates will continue as usual in the meantime.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

Of all of the games I’ve anticipated over the years, the anxious wait was never quite so brutal, and so eternal as it was during the expansive stretch of time awaiting the arrival of Gold and Silver. It drove my little mind mad. There was an insatiable hunger there, to Catch ‘em… well, more. I could not -sleep-, so I stayed up nights, furiously trying to decide which of the 3 complimentary critters I would start out with, because all of them looked neat. I wanted every last one of them. I still had not made up my mind by the time it was actually in my hands.

The day I brought home a copy was… an experience. Not an event, not a big or important day, but one that sticks out for me. I still recall holding that copy of Gold as I walked back from Toys R’ Us with my father, in the side-walk next to the parking lot adjacent to a joint Rogers Video/Second Cup. My dad probably wondered why a boy of my age was still into such childlike nonsense. He put up with a lot of that crap on my behalf. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Power Rangers. X-Men. And then the Anime started pouring in(I imagine that was probably the toughest to endure). But he stuck with it. I’ve come to appreciate that in recent years, instead of just demanding it, as was protocol for my selfish young mind.

It wasn’t even that remarkable a game. I did like it, it was worth the purchase. It was not a disappointment in any regard, it offered precisely what I wanted. But it was at that point that I stopped rocking back and forth in my sleep in anticipation for a new game. I never thought of this as a sad turning point, or a loss of my tenuous grasp on my youth. I was lucky here. Imagine how crushed I would have been if it had sucked. Since then I have relied on a simple acknowledgment of optimism for upcoming releases.

That said, now I’m told my favourite Pokemon games are being re-released, but with updated DS graphics and sound-quality?

The long, cold wait begins anew…

END OF LINE

~A.H.

Lately, I have been following at least four different anime programs. Lucky Star, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Excel Saga and Ouran High School Host Club. I’m not sure what inspired this, I usually stick to one at a time and move on once I’m finished. Today’s article is about “Ouran”.

It’s about a young girl(also named Haruhi) who’s just entered a very prestigious high school. Big, expensive marble floors, gold rims, and I’m sure there’s a harpsichord in there somewhere. The women wear fancy dresses, and the men are so dainty and delicate that you can almost feel their envy of the women for their “uniforms”. Lots of pink everywhere too. This series was definitely made in mind for a female audience. While I can remember key story points here and there, the majority of this show is a blur of shots of the men making sultry faces while surrounded by pink and red rose motifs. Not every character is like this, fortunately the star of the show is more humble and down-to-earth.

I'm starting to suspect I am not this show's target demographic...

Through a series of circumstances I will not describe, she is mistaken for a man and forced into joining the “Host Club”, a group of men who go on pseudo-dates with the girls of the school by appointment. This is barely plausible. Haruhi’s appearance occupies a grey zone that isn’t androgynous, but could convincingly look either male or female(if everyone in the cast is a moron). She has a look to her that does not scream “girl”, but rather “girlish”, which is oddly enough what quite a many women look for in their anime dudes. Although in an art-style famous for its girly-men, perhaps it’s no wonder she’s able to slip undetected into their all-male group.

Comes with a complimentary vagina! A $30 value, yours FREE!

Most of the dates involve the men talking and the women swooning. Apparently the women are charged for these sessions, which is how I imagine these young men make a living. It is debatable as to who in this situation is being taken advantage of. This also explains how Haruhi can repay the debt she owes which launched her into performing her services as a member of the club.

Haruhi’s first appointment was a scene that I liked in the japanese version, yet found myself immensely displeased with in the English dub. But it’s not that predictable culprit, the voice acting. While the majority of the cast is merely tolerable, the worst would have to be the main character’s, which is especially unfortunate. They were aiming in the right direction (not obvious in its masculinity or femininity), but they overshot the mark, to the point where the simply sort-of-androgynous Haruhi sounds like that really mopey, bass-voiced Metallica nerd we all avoided in high school.

No, the real problem here is a matter of script inconsistencies between cultures, one that effectively robs a moment of its emotional centre. Haruhi is, I guess you could say “entertaining” three women over tea or something. Before she even speaks, they seem to be enjoying her company and are quite curious to get to know her. She’s terrified, however. She doesn’t know what to say at first, but something in her awakens and she finds the words. They ask about her mother, and how chores around her house are accomplished. Haruhi responds to these questions with happy memories in the face of despair.

Every other Host offers something to the women they entertain except for honesty. They specialize in acts that fill a certain niche, but they are all acts. Haruhi’s unique addition to this team is her genuine approach, her thoughtfulness and respect for the women she entertains. This is why the girls respond so well to her. Even King, the smug and self-absorbed Host Leader is shown with a look in his eyes that says even the narcisism shielding can be pierced by her honest strength of character.

Christ, is there a single frame from this show without fucking roses everywhere?! Enough is enough!

In the dub, this heartfelt moment is replaced with something unusually conniving. Something inspires Haruhi here as well. In Japanese, I think it’s the realization that she’ll do her best as long as she isn’t trying to put on an act. That’s what she can bring that none of the other Hosts can(except maybe Honey). In the dub, she instead thinks to herself “I know just the story to tell them!”. Her use of the memory of her deceased mother as a ploy for pity was a disgusting rendition of an otherwise touching scene, no different than if I had scribbled graffiti directly over the words in a copy of Rawi Hage’s “DeNiro’s Game”.

The dub doesn’t change a lot, but what it chose to alter left a detrimental effect on my ability to enjoy this program. No longer did I sympathize with its most important character, instead seeing her as something wholly unpleasant. Funimation, usually reliable handlers of transitioning this material to an English-speaking audience made it their mission to remove everything that’s supposed to make Haruhi endearing in the first place. If the English attempt is this willing to ruin the sincerity of its characters, then I’m sticking with subtitles. Not even Vic Mignona as King can make up for that.

They also dubbed the opening theme song, which is probably the biggest faux-pas one can set out to accomplish in Anime. Did they really think anyone who watches anime would go into seizures of protest if they heard so much as one non-English vocal? Have they forgotten who their audience is?

END OF LINE

~A.H.

In the last episode, Tomo provides her first completely selfless act. Chiyo is on stage during Graduation after receiving an honorary certificate, which basically proves that she is smarter and more dedicated than everyone else in her school an entire age bracket above her. Tomo then impromptly shouts “BLAVO! BLAVO! BL-A-VO!” over and over again while clapping furiously. This is not sarcasm or a display of childish teasing, two things I’ve come to expect from her. She’s saying what everyone watching at home is thinking, herself included, and has no inhibition with echoing her pride for her friend throughout the auditorium.

Osaka isn’t too far behind in joining in. Then her class in the very back joins in. People start whispering if they’re supposed to clap at that point, and then, obviously, feel they are. From the back to the front-row, they all start standing up and applauding this little girl. After 26 episodes of being responsible for her teachers and family, and wonderful for her friends, she’s earned it. And when that graduation music plays, and she finally comes face-to-face with the closing of her high-school years, she’s earned the right to cry as histerically as she does.

Cliché? Yes. But fantastic. Not because everyone joins in the applause. They don’t care, they do it because they feel obligated to. But Tomo of all people is the first, and even during the long and awkward silence before the storm, she bravely continues cheering on her little friend. There is a certain level of gusto required for something like that. It’s a cliché alright. Twisted on itself, into a joyful appreciation for the simple decency of these characters. How could anything be more perfect than this?

I knew the moment Osaka came onscreen earlier with a box of tissues that it wouldn’t just be for her allergies, either. But then when Yukari loses her wallet, Osaka re-purposes it into a donation box. Isn’t she something? Two acts of altruism through the same box, from the same High School graduate. And even the purpose I knew it was intended for played out differently than I had visualized. It gave me precisely what I expected, and took me by surprise at the same time.

Azumanga Daioh ends not with a tearful goodbye or anything hokey and cheap, but with the six girls gathering to attend a “graduation trip”, to the very same amusement park Yomi was unable to attend before. It’s an ending for us, but a beginning for them. A lot of shows and movies attempt this and come off as sanctimonious, clueless and cheesy. I’m amazed that this program managed to be this consistently good without resorting to tragedy, sex, or any of the things modern television uses as a crutch to make things less “boring”. There’s no “very special episode” where Maude has to help Kagura through an abortion or something. And yet it never comes off feeling like those neutered Itchy and Scratchy cartoons in an ancient episode of The Simpsons.

"...LEMONADE?" "...PLEASE."

Chiyo-chan comes to the conclusion that “(They’ll) always be together”. This show has made me a little bit less of a cynic, but she’s still young and naive, and I’m firm in my belief that she’s in for some crushing life-lessons. Metaphorically they will always be together, but not physically. To do that, several of these characters would have to re-assign their goals in life to stay in the same place.

Or maybe not. Maybe I’m over analyzing this. But after being invested in these characters this long, I can’t help but wonder if their school life was a safe haven from the sometimes ugly, sometimes unmerciful nature of the world. Kimura is not even close to the worst thing life can spring on you. Of course, there’s appears to be a better world than ours. The fact that I’m concerned at all for these imaginary personalities says a lot. Likely about my sanity, but also a testament to the quality of the show. I’m going to miss every last one of those girls.

Except maybe Tomo. I haven’t decided yet.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

Over the next four days, I’ll be finishing off my series of Azumanga Daioh articles. To kick things off, howsabout we recap and revisit some of the more memorable moments and episodes I’ve either written about, or seen strange and exotic variations of on Youtube?

What’s that? That sounds -horrible-, you say?

TOO BAD! AHAHAHAHAAAA!!

—

Sakaki Gets A Break

After 20 episodes of not being able to pet a living creature aside from Chiyo’s dog, it was nice that Sakaki finally got to spend some time with her newly acquired mountain kitty. She deserves it. And it means we can finally move onto someone ELSE in this show for once.

Chiyo Wears A Penguin Suit And Is Fucking Adorable(AKA: Episode 16)

Sata Andagi!

New Years Dreams

Graduation

Yomi Couldn’t Sing
Extra points since her voice actress is a talented singer. I even like how the buildings react negatively to her attempts to sing. It reminded me of those old black and white Mickey Mouse cartoons where seemingly everything is alive(for a modern example of this, see the Timeless River sequence in Kingdom Hearts II).

Year 2 Class Arrangements(starring Kaorin, the Overtheatrical Dyke!)

From Yukari cheering her on as she picks the petals from those flowers, to the tension before finding out if she’s in Sakaki’s class, right down to the hyperventilating, this might be the best of scenes featuring Kaorin… The “Seventh Python”, the girl who’s almost but never quite a part of the main group of 6 girls, and whose infatuation for Sakaki provides an interesting dimension to the show… I’ve read that she didn’t have as big a part in the manga, and I believe it was the right call to include her in the show in a more personal light.

ROCK, PAPER…!

The Yukari-mobile. A heavily dented monument to Yukari’s reckless driving ability. The girls consult their gym teacher/chaperone about who should be in which car for the trip to Chiyo’s summer house. Fantastic reactions and perfect comedic timing follow.

TSUKARIMASHOU!

The Truth About Reindeer
A simple question about the logic behind Santa Claus inspires a hilarious response. Fucking A. Fucking A+.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

by Alex Hill:

What a gift this show is. “Azumanga Daioh” is delightful, some of the most exceptional television I’ve seen. I don’t know how much of it is the product of Kiyohiko Azuma’s original manga, or a deviation to appeal to a televised format/audience. I have no authority to say if it is true to the source material. What I saw was a smart and rapturous offering from Japanese minds of pure, insane genius. From the way it’s drawn, to the way it sounds, it lives and breathes ceremonious talent and co-ordination.

I was visiting relatives about a month ago, when I was asked what this program is “about”. I stalled in my response. I don’t even think I gave one, because as far as I can tell it can’t be summed up in a way familiar with a North American audience. It’s not a crime-drama. It’s not a soap-opera. It is humorous, but it’s not exactly a “Sitcom” the way we think about Sitcoms. What other show have my friends and family seen that I could compare it to? It’s not about plot twists, or even a plot at all. A plot is just what happens, while this show is more concerned with the How and Why. It’s not “Good vs. Evil”. It has many messages, but no immediately obvious agenda. The term “slice-of-life” comes to mind, but perhaps it is not a realistic assessment of us as a species.

If this show is “about” anything, it is about tremendous human kindness, courtesy of weird, flawed, terrific people. People devoted not to saving the world, but to sharing in everyday amity that “makes the heart sing”. It is utterly refreshing, cleansing of the grey, unremarkable slosh that we are normally given. Its creators resist the call for shortcuts and embraces its characters. Chief among them is a wise, caring little girl to whom people gravitate. Their brightest features are unlocked by her presence.

We follow Chiyo-chan(Tomoko Kaneda), a prepubescent prodigy making her way through High School. There she is subjected to a level of zaniness no one could be prepared for. But instead of acting as the cynical pillar against the waves most cartoons with this setup follow, she infiltrates these people through her friendly wisdom, takes part in their quirks and adventures and makes each of them shine. She has the trusting nature of a child(not to mention a good head on her shoulders) to bring together several people, people who would never have crashed into each other by themselves, into forming a close-knit circle of friends.

Yomi(Rie Tanaka) supplies the calm, reasoning foresight necessary to keep things from scattering. Kagura(Houko Kuwashima) and Tomo(Chieko Higuchi) provide the group their unrelenting energy. Sakaki(Yu Asakawa) underlines that with her quiet, thoughtful support, by spending more time listening to her friends than speaking over them. That just leaves the wild-card, Osaka(Yuki Matsuoka). In addition to an interesting, sometimes child-like, sometimes challenging view of the world around them, she offers unconditional companionship. Chiyo appreciates them all, and because of her these girls have come to appreciate a much more rewarding life in High School than they would have had without her. It is quite possible that Chiyo has saved her friends from years of teenage misery.

OK, bad example.

It’s always a pleasure to see a supporting cast for a show just as fantastic as its starring roles. In a program that is not lacking in comedy, the girl’s teachers “Nyamo” and “Yukari” bring a veritable gold-rush of it. Played by Aya Hisakawa and Akiko Hiramatsu, I would greatly consider watching a spin-off of those two if one ever materialized. It even welcomes those who don’t quite penetrate the core group of characters into the spotlight, and if you see but one of Kaorin(Sakura Nogawa)’s scenes, you’ll know it was worth making the room. Almost all of them are hilarious.

Azumanga Daioh is a damned funny show. Its director, writers and animators know how to tell a joke as well as any episode of Seinfeld, South Park or The Simpsons. But here the gags are presented with such manic visual energy and precision that it leaves its predecessors in the dust.

Animation never ceases to amaze me. I find it fascinating and incredible how a simple joke can be made brilliant, all with the addition of a silly pose or facial expression. And only in a medium such as this could one get away with the unorthodox, but somehow -perfect- sound effects that punctuate nearly every moment here. I almost have to slap myself to really notice how good it is. It tickles my imaginative centre, and thaws the iciness that has accumulated from years of bitter skepticism towards television(or perhaps entertainment in general).

Sadly, there are places where this show falls. The english dub by ADV Films made me yearn for the soothing, melodic vocals of the Sand People in Star Wars. A shame, since the Japanese voices are a perfect match for the characters they possess, and the actions and expressions they translate. There is too much focus put on Sakaki, while only advancing the character very late into the series’ run(being a fan-favourite, this was inevitable). I find it a little hard to accept that there are only two or three girls in this show who are not owners of unusually large breasts(I am not surprised when I hear this show was marketed to a male audience in Japan). Episode 4 is something I could have done without, along with any and all scenes involving the lecherous teacher “Kimura”. The only point or message to this character is that he is supposed to be creepy. He succeeds alright. I understand that they wanted to show a specific aspect of life, that sometimes people of a vicious libido are placed in positions of authority they do not deserve, even threatening the happy balance of school-life. If you ask me how that is supposed to make this show better, I don’t know what to tell you. This personification of Japan’s seeming acceptance of public perversion belongs here as much as a rape scene belongs in Wall-E. Just looking at this guy makes me feel dirty.

These things place an unfortunate stain on Azumanga Daioh, but considering it is the only paragraph in this review that is not glowing with praise, then perhaps it can be tolerated. Even in spite of Kimura and the fan-service, this is about as good as television can get. Glorious in its absurdity, curious in its understanding of you and me, everyone and everyone else. It is confined to one place in the world, in one language, and yet it is universal. It has to be. It couldn’t be anything else.

These characters may be solid around each other, but through translucence we see their fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams, expressed through warm and offbeat mannerisms. All of them gain something from each other, complimenting their weaknesses, filling the void each of them owns. Most of all, I was touched by the sight of Osaka’s attempts to build herself a spot in her world. I know a thing or two about not being exceptional in sports, academics, or just about anything. What kind of life would she have if Chiyo-chan, possibly her most valued companion, was never there in her corner? They do not need each other necessarily, they would all survive, but they would be much worse off if they didn’t have each other. Their inward problems would be perilously closer to consuming them. Bamboo of Anime News Network wrote: “Those girls are friends not because they need anything from each other, but because they simply love being together.”

How few of us ever go through our hormonal young-adult years and come out the other side clean? There are many good-hearted individuals to whom I owe and attribute my getting out of high school alive. These girls have their ups and downs, as all friendships do, but they enjoy much richer lives for having found each other. We may not fully understand the behaviour of every character, but we feel their company, understand their individual teenage torments and their value only grows. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed watching or writing about a cast of characters this much.

I didn’t know what to expect from this program, but it never occurred to me when I first searched for an episode on Youtube last December that it would activate such forgotten, unexplored areas of myself.

(I make no apologies for this. It is how I discovered this show. If I am ever able to physically and legitimately obtain these episodes, I will spare no expense.)

I’m used to seeing movies, television shows, and playing games and reading books that are merely great. This is overwhelming. As soon as I finished watching the series, my mood took a sudden and sour turn. I realized this when I found myself days later with less patience, and more of a willingness to snap at people during conversations. Snarking occurred on at least one occassion. I never thought a show could actually improve the quality of my life, even if only temporarily.

And to think, if it weren’t for a youtube poop(1:20) and a Newgrounds.com sprite movie, it would still be just another show I hadn’t seen. A rose sprang forth from the dirt. If I hadn’t been introduced to the 10-second long music track that plays between scenes, maybe I’d never have had the curiosity to search for its context. I don’t think I ever want to imagine a universe where I was not exposed to the antics of Chiyo, Osaka, Sakaki, Yomi, Tomo and Kagura. I can’t believe there was a time where I couldn’t tell the difference between some of them, as they’ve been astounding and lucid characters in all 26 episodes.

I don’t expect it to hold the same value to others. There are examples of art and entertainment that speak on more important matters that affect the sum of us all, as a society and a species. But this show spoke to me, about me. It also speaks about you, and your friends and my friends, because this show IS its audience. Its characters are as real as any of us, warts and all. It understands and respects the turbulence of youth, but doesn’t allow itself to be bogged down by angst. Here is a program that chooses to value and celebrate our odd truths, instead of cutting, processing and packaging them. These extraordinary fictional High School girls bring a considerable amount of colour to otherwise crumbling grey times.

Sometimes in this random universe, the constellations align just right, and a rare and remarkable thing occurs: Friendships are born between people. And they are made irreplaceable for it.

In The Forest Of Youth

Chiyo and Sakaki are playing with a skipping rope in a neighborhood park. More of her High-School friends show up, see how much fun they’re having, and join in. At this point, there is no one else in the park, in the streets, or in their city. Their Japan, and universe surrounding, disappears. All that exists is these high school kids getting back in touch with a simple pleasure in life, the world now theirs and our own. It’s a scene of rejuvenation of the inner-child.

Chiyo & Kagura’s Trip To The Kwik-E Mart

Episode 19, already magnificently directed this far, has one of my favourite shots in the entire show. At night, Chiyo and Kagura are looking up at the falling petals of a cherry blossom tree. Behind that is a lamp-post with two lights. Two girls, a source of light above them and a tall vertical plant between them. Two lights at the top, separated in the middle by the pole. The light source is at the top of the screen, and both of these girls sit in relative darkness and looking up, as they discuss where they want to go with life and where they are. They see themselves in a developmental stage, beneath brighter years yet to come.

Appreciating Yomi
While most of the girls are caught up in gabbing about their trip to an amusement park Yomi could not attend, Chiyo remembers not to ignore or forget about their friend, who’s cold prevented her from joining them. The others are too loud for us to hear Chiyo offering Yomi a souvenir she bought, and Yomi’s subsequent thanks. Maybe they don’t hear it either, but they know what they are saying. These are two kindred spirits of shared intelligence. They speak on the same level, and Chiyo has a longer history with her than anyone else on the show.

In fact, despite Chiyo’s admiration of Sakaki, I think she aims to be like Yomi more often. I believe she sees Yomi as being a more achievable goal, you could say. Chiyo will never have long dark hair, a cool demeanor or be 6 feet tall. But would she resemble something along the lines of Yomi in a few given years? I don’t think that’s too much of a stretch.

Yes, she had just as much fun as her friends at “Magical Land”, and not all of her friends are rubbing it in or being inconsiderate, but she was able to keep that from overloading her priorities. Making sure her friends feel wanted is of higher importance than her own enjoyment. In a way, this scene is more about Chiyo’s unwavering respect and admiration for Yomi than about Yomi herself. These two rarely have a scene to themselves, and it’s an even more uncommon sight for Tomo to not come along like fries with a coke. This was a welcome, if temporary release from that. For us and for them.

Osaka’s Very Own Episode
I’ve watched this one again and again, and it’s always wonderful. Little else has spoken so much to me about my own experiences growing up, and of throwing myself at the educational system in hopes of sticking. And I always like it when a show acknowledges eye-floaters, and the futile pursuit that goes with them.

Kagura’s Vulnerability

Chopsticks Are SERIOUS BUSINESS

We finally see in the penultimate episode that Osaka has a mean-streak about something. And that something is breaking chopsticks. Tomo disobeys the instructions necessary to separate them from their original, joined state, and this sets Osaka off. This is one of my favourite scenes. The way they drew her cute little hissy fit, and the way she’s voiced never fails to crack me up. It’s so uncommon for this girl to fly off the handle like that, and of all things. Although I suspect she’s more worried than angry at Tomo. The girls are all concerned about their college entrance exams. If the good luck “charm” of cleanly breaking the chopsticks in two did work, then Tomo’s failure to do this would surely herald doom… We worry about our friends.

“Ero-Ero”
Possibly the best gag the show has to its name, it would be criminal for me to even begin to describe it. There are movies that aren’t constructed this well.

Revenge For Ghengis Khan
Another I dare not spoil, this one is humorous in and out of context, and it’s one hell of a punchline. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’ll know it when you see it.

Chiyo “Prays” For Her Friends

Since Chiyo is not taking the college entrance exams with the other girls but still wants to support them, all she can do is pray. The method she chooses for this is a touching and clever tribute to her friends.

Victory Parade

Bummed out that a particularly rewarding day is behind them, Tomo raises a suggestion: They should have a victory parade. This is my favourite scene from my favourite show. I do not think it’s going to leave me, for as long as I exist. There is no other moment in Azumanga Daioh quite as artistic, or as enchanting. How many of you can face the declining days of your youth with a smile and a spring in your step? It takes a special kind of craziness, some gumption and a lot of inner-strength. We are watching four young women happily parading, not toward their eventual demise, but into the rest of their lives.

Television is seldom this brave.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

This is my last planned article for Azumanga Daioh. I apologize if what comes next is the literary equivalent of ejaculation. I’ve made peace with the fact that not everyone will share my enthusiasm for this show and its characters. I can hear you now. “It’s ok, but it’s not THAT good“, and: “OMG ITS GAY“. I can’t convince anyone that they are wrong or right about anything. This is not a review. This is my response to what I see as a triumph of design and execution. Bitching about video games will resume next week.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ayumu “Osaka” Kasuga.

From my rounds on the internet, I’ve noticed she’s apparently a pretty popular character. Wikipedia brags that the now-defunct Newtype USA magazine awarded her 7th place in its poll: The Top 100 Anime Heroines of 2002. This “despite not being a ‘cute’, ’sexy’ or ’spunky’ character”. They are wrong about two of those things. That, and she lost the 1st place standing to a submissive robot girl, whose on/off switch is located in her vagina… Her robo-vagina. If Newtype USA were still in publication, I bet they’d feel pretty silly about that now.

I don’t think there is any character like Osaka. None come to mind right now. The closest description I’ve heard is “airhead”, but I’ve never seen an airhead type like this in cartoons or live-action. To see this character, to hear her voice floating on the clouds is like seeing Haley’s comet firsthand.  She’s still a kid really, yet she dresses the way grandmas dress, and that actually works in her favour. She’s not a “cute character” like Chiyo, although she is adorable. She’s not a hyper-active, loud or athletic teenager like Tomo and Kagura. She’s not “smart/serious” like Yomi or Sakaki. Her fans defend her with comments like “she merely thinks differently from others”, which is true. She’s certainly not an idiot.

I don’t think she could be classified under any current cartoon stereotype. She is a new, real, unusual and honest face to a rising generation of unique human beings. People to whom the systems that have governed our world for these past decades were not prepared for, who no one in the 20th century could have predicted, and those of us in the 21st are still trying to figure out. School systems, political systems, societal customs, we’re all only just starting to wrap our heads around who we are. And I’m not necessarily referring to Autists, the mentally challenged or social outcasts. I hope I haven’t made it sound like Osaka fits any of those descriptions specifically. I refer to anyone for whom the world will drastically re-shape itself to squeeze in as this millennium advances. They’re not here to conquer, but to co-exist.

And there is room. Even for those who we possess no ready, factory-assembled purpose.

She’s not good at sports or academics or most things that people place value in, and isn’t the subject of sex-appeal. Her talents seem limited to yawning and wordplay. But she perseveres to determine what she is, and how she can fit into a society in which she is nearly alien. This girl doesn’t play to the crowd the way Tomo does, although time and again we see her trying to follow in her footsteps.

Watching her attempts to match the actions and exclamations of her friend is deeply affecting for me, even excruciating. I think this is a girl who wants very much to belong. When she joins the Lunkheads(a “team” of sorts, for the half of the main cast who are the least exceptional in their school-work), whenever Tomo and Kagura are downtrodden in defeat at the sight of their latest test scores, Osaka is usually smiling. She doesn’t even care if she’s the biggest Lunkhead in her group. Where they find despair, she finds comfort in being a part of her friends. Here, at last, is a place where she belongs, with those she holds in high regard. She doesn’t see their failures, but gazes in curious wonder at everything they bleed.

Even the depressed squiggly-lines end on her side of the background.

Perhaps this can explain why she’s consistently ranked as high or even higher than every other character in Azumanga Daioh. Is it possible that we are finally ready for personalities unexplored by popular entertainment? She is not tuned to the same wavelength as most, she can be difficult to comprehend, but there is within and without her an infectious shimmer of sweetness. None of the traits of inherent ugliness waiting to sprout up from the surface that we come to expect from fiction(and in real life). No angle, no twist, no agenda. No leftovers from cartoons past. Her target demographic is universal: anyone consisting of authentic human decency. That’s all, and yet, that’s everything.

It’s funny. Even after only seeing a few episodes, I remarked: “I’d go to hell and back for a kid that cool”. I think about what these character’s parents are like, and how they exist with their offspring. Are Chiyo’s parents snobs? Are they younger than most parents? Are they older? Are they as gifted in judgement as she is? Are Osaka’s parents “proud of her no matter what” she contributes back to the world? Are they disappointed? Do they have two parents each? How much of these kids is derived from their guardians? Or their environment? Themselves? Each other? It’s nice when a show has more questions than answers, instead of being merely frustrating and vague. Whatever shaped these kids did a damn fine job.

Osaka in particular makes me think about the parents of kids who aren’t really exceptional at anything the world needs or wants, and aren’t exactly valedictorians at school, but are not “bad” kids. She makes me think about the parents who -were- those kids. I wonder how many of her fans are the parents of autistic or merely offbeat children. Kids good with puns and trivia, but who always come in last place in competitions of talent. Kids who just like to run outside in typhoons, who are scared of thunder, and feeble when it comes to spicy food and carbonated drinks. People who are smart in ways a little off to the side of academics. People who are more “good” than “useful”. Honest people who have nothing to offer the world but their unconditional loyalty. People who never have to offer anything else. I’ve met a few folks in real life who have never seen this show, men and women, young and old, and aren’t even fans of anime who would adore a girl like Osaka, and bend head-over-heels for her if the need ever rose.

There’s a saying: “We like people for their qualities, but we love them for their flaws.” Here is a character who exemplifies AND defies that rule, because we care about her for both her gentle spirit and her inadequacies. Some people you love for the fact that they exist as they are. By no means flawless, she has her peccadilloes like the rest of us, but she is so sincere in her donation of self that we care little about where she does not ascend. Maybe it’s the politeness enforced in her culture, the blueprints of her Japanese background(and foreground) showing through. But even compared to Chiyo she is especially, atypically pleasant and fun.

What Kiyohiko Azuma(manga author), Yuki Matsuoka(Osaka’s voice) and the animators have done is substantial. They’ve given us a character who is imperfect but impossible to dislike, uninterested in displaying or harbouring bitterness and resentment to those who surpass her. She is devoted to those she loves, and she makes every effort to expand the joys of her time with them. She is exactly as she must be, is not engineered or artificial and is not a variation of any stock character I can recall. As genuine and strange as any person reading this, she’s a holder of real fears of desertion from what makes her happy. Osaka understands heartache, because she understands the value of who she shares her life with, and that one day they will be gone forever. Perhaps this fear has made her realize what a time-waster it is to hold onto such venom and contempt that we do, even for those which we share the time we have.

We are imprisoned within a fraction of history. In a way, she is our desperation to struggle against a paralyzing fear, that looming realization of inevitable, unavoidable separation from all we cherish. Her weapon of choice to combat depression is her own brand of playful friendliness, illuminated by the little eleven-year old she fascinatingly treasures like a sister. Their maturity, intelligence and personalities vary and compliment each other, so that neither one seems like the “big” or “little” sibling. But I think she needs Chiyo more than Chiyo needs her, and we all share a common need to hold on to fleeting things. This is a character who will be immortal, but she doesn’t know that. She allows herself her vulnerability, and is as hurt by the awareness of mortality as you or I. She is filled with amazement, curiosity and admiration for everything around her, but like us, she fights a losing battle to hold onto happiness. Pure and simple honesty in character design is rare like Lonesome George. When she wins, I rejoice. Her victory is rightly deserved, and is as much ours.

Is Osaka my favourite character in Azumanga Daioh? My favourite anime character? Both of those descriptions are too confining. Her quality expands through and beyond the confines of this show, and of her own animation. Past the lines and colours that sustain her docile form. I tend to relate to the cynical assholes more often than not, but she has such an unexampled warmth that she finds a way around those defenses. There’s something here that’s a little heavier than sarcastic wit. Her search for worth opened a lot of war-wounds, and in so doing reached a lot of the dusty corners where light does not reach, the scattered pockets of myself I didn’t think entertainment could find. No other character reflects so much of the exacerbating feelings and defining fears of my life, many of which still leave me stricken and helpless. But where I am immured from the acknowledgment of temporality, she doesn’t stop at that. She keeps going, around the edges, lined with a perplexing hope. She despairs, yet still she marches on, in places where I never could. I can’t think of any other role that invites such jubilation, yet underscores that with the presence of her young woes(she tells Chiyo in one episode that “The only reason I stay happy all year is because I look forward to the next Culture Festival”. Doesn’t that break your heart?).

An interesting thing I’ve noticed is that of our most beloved cartoon characters, Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Popeye, many of them were introduced in the first half of the 20th century. I wonder if we are on the verge of a new flood of fictional characters that will stand the test of time. Only a few years into the new millennium, and already we’ve been given a head-start. Osaka isn’t the most important character in her show, but she might just be the most important new, animated character to come along in decades. Since any of the examples at the top of this paragraph. Their animators displayed far more grace and fluidity, but she doesn’t lose any of her charm from the stillness of Anime standards. A creation of personality truer to me than any I’ve discovered.

I don’t know if people will look back, years from now, and remember Osaka in the same way they appreciate the characters of Walt Disney, Warner Bros. or Hayao Miyazaki. I hope they do. That would bring a smile to my face, one of several hundred or so she’s supplied to everyone who watches this program. I think she’s a character for the ages. A defining face for a new age already underway, and a wonderful voice for a generation mired in the silence of the unknown. I believe Osaka is what our species has to look forward to. She’s what’s on our horizon.

A lot of younger characters speak to our past, to the little things we’ve done, and the things we thought of and felt when we were kids. But she speaks to our future, and makes it a little less uncertain.  This clear and vibrant girl is what happens when our universe does not discard the imagination of youth, nor conceals its grief, and instead gives it wings.

She might even have a solution to unhappiness: maybe it’s not about what we’re good at, but appreciating what’s good in everything else.

END OF LINE

~A.H.