Half-Masked

Left 4 Dead 2 is not the first game to be banned in Australia for having excessive violence, and it will not be the last. It was banned because there is no equivalent to an R-rating for video games in Australia, despite being the only major western country without one. This is entirely Michael Atkinson’s fault. I’ve spoken on this before. His head in the sand actually prevents the topic from being discussed or viewed publicly, and a unanimous vote is needed for this sort of thing. As is par the course for this sort of thing, he hides behind the “WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!” defense.

But why stop there?

Australia is allowed to have X and R-rated movies. Kids might see The Shawshank Redemption. Better put a stop to that. And we’d better do away with any television and music that isn’t geared towards infants. Otherwise children might watch The Wire and… be thoroughly entertained?

Kids are known for their horrible sewer-mouths when not in the company of a parent or guardian. We should prevent children from interacting with other children to protect their virgin ears.

In fact, how about we all live in separate plastic bubbles in a vacuum, completely free from the world and the harsh realities that every well-adjusted human being needs to know and see before they can truly say they have “grown up”? Otherwise those little pricks might start thinking or living for themselves.

Isn’t life in Australia abysmal enough? These guys have to pay upwards of $100 U.S. for a game that came out in the states somewhere in the late 1950’s. 90% of all posts on fmylife.com, a site devoted to sharing in personal tragedy, are from Australians. Their daily existence is a howling vortex of shit.

You want to protect children, Mike? Maybe let them take their minds off of sharing a continent with Box Jellyfish, otherwise known as one of the most dangerous animals on planet Earth. Trust me on this one: Those squiggly Lovecraftian nightmares will do more considerable lasting damage to a young one than seeing a zombie’s organs fall out.

No wonder Yahtzee’s always got a bug up his butt about something.

END OF LINE

~A.H.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 at 5:05 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.